


Tired

by Layni1771



Series: Stray Kids AUs [10]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drabble, Hurt No Comfort, Projecting, Sleep Deprivation, but because it's chan we know he did it to himself, even though i'm in high school i threw chan in college, oof is this learn about lilya time, sure seems like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-30 23:39:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14507901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Layni1771/pseuds/Layni1771
Summary: Chan knows what it is to be tired.





	Tired

**Author's Note:**

> Just me making my rounds projecting on the Stray Kids members, no big deal.  
> Nah but this was written just days before the debut, I had been having terrible sleeping problems and I needed to like get it out and I was like, you know who else doesn't sleep, Chan! So we have this short mess. It was written when I was, you know, sleep deprived and projecting so sorry if it isn't always cohesive!  
> So yeah have fun learning about me and my thoughts on sleeping. Since this is short and I'm done with What Doesn't Change, I might post another piece this week, but we'll see~
> 
> -Layni

Chan knows what it is to be tired. It is the way he lives his life, day after day. Sleep does not come naturally, and he does not even like it all that much. All sleeping does is take away precious working time, time that could be dedicated to his homework, his music, his friends- Anything but _sleeping_. To Chan, sleeping is the biggest time-waster the world has ever created, and he hates the way the human body needs it. He hates the way his body does not cooperate quite right when it is sleep deprived, how his movements are _just_ too slow and his head aches and feels like it is stuffed with gauze. It's a disgusting feeling but it is his and Chan does not fight it.

Not directly, anyway. He does drink cups upon cups of coffee to combat the way his eyes drift closed after one-too-many all-nighters, but this does nothing but worsen his buzzing headache and make the base of his throat burn with acidity. Chan believes it's worth it if it lets him finish that paper or adding the perfect bass sound to that track. Things like that are satisfying and he feels that if he can do all of it without sleeping, it should be done like that. Never mind the persistent aching of his bones and muscles, never mind the forgetfulness, and certainly never mind the high blood pressure. None of that could be considered new or something he could not handle. Chan really doesn't mind it.

What he does mind is when he finally tries to go to sleep and he cannot.

 _Oh_ , how he hates it. In the moments when he gives into human weakness and crawls into bed, sliding under his covers and closing his eyes, he expects to fall asleep. But rarely does it happen without a fight. Chan always finds himself tossing and turning for hours, eyes wide open in the darkness. If he does manage to fall into oblivion, when he wakes up it is with his heart in his throat and sweat soaking his sheets.

Perhaps that's why he doesn't like to sleep, but he wouldn't admit that. The morning anxiety is absolutely breathtaking, and in the worst sense of the word. He wakes up gasping, pressing a hand to his much-too-fast heart and blinking tears out of his painfully swollen eyes. Chan sometimes takes twenty minutes before he can push himself into a sitting position. Others, only a few seconds. But either way, panicked breaths tumble from his lips like rubble from a collapsing building, and that is just how his world feels when he wakes up. Every time, his stomach rolls and he finds himself slapping a hand to his mouth, trying to keep the vomit back. His shoulders collapse on themselves and Chan shakes for the rest of the morning.

So he stays awake and he stays tired. It's much easier than waking up at two a.m. and feeling like leaving the bed is too much because the world outside of it is terrifying, even if the bedsheets are wet with perspiration and tangled around him badly enough to make him feel trapped. Chan would rather work instead. At least he knows then that he is not wasting his time. At least then he will not have to look at a sleep-swollen face and feel the curls of anxiety tickling his shoulders as he tries to get through the day. Staying awake all of the time does not eliminate it, of course, but it pushes it to the very back of his mind. Chan prefers it like that.

Being tired isn't so bad. Even when he breaks down into hysterical tears over spilling what's maybe a _fourth_ of his coffee and makes the terrible decision to eat only cake for three days because it keeps him from confessing to his friends how weak he is. Chan doesn't know how the two correlate but they certainly do and it's good enough for him.

Sleeping is just a waste of time anyway.


End file.
